Where did the wagon go?

Okay, I have fallen off the wagon. I don't know where it went. I don't know how the Mike's Light Hard Lemonade got into my fridge. I'm not sure who ate all those cookies, but I'm pretty sure it was me. I just can't seem to get back on track. I'm starting to feel like a sumo wrestler. I haven't gained all my weight back or anything like that, but if I can't get a grip on what I'm eating, I'm done for!